32 lessons learned at age 32, part 1
Happiness / Desire / Problems / Habits
This is a series of 32 lessons learned from my 32 years of life so far.
These could each be individual posts, but I thought it'd be fun to keep them concise and combine into batches. A good challenge to write out as many as I can in the upcoming weeks.
I often forget some of these lessons and need to remind myself. Others are deeply built into my daily outlook. In no particular order, here's part one.
01/32
Happiness is the default state of a child (in a good home), right? But then life happens as an adult, and we learn it's easier to be unhappy than to be happy.
Because doing stuff that results in real happiness is hard work - it's choosing difficult problems to solve, an endless stream of them. Far easier to play victim and not do stuff we know we should do.
Of course there's exceptions. Some people have truly horrible things happen to them. But the majority of us don't have it all that bad. We decide we'd rather be unhappy than do the work to be happy.
At some point you decided it was easier to take the unhappy path. You looked for it everywhere else, but not within you.
For most people, happiness is a choice, and it's just within reach. Taking action to solve problems is choosing happiness. Return to your default state, the happy child.
02/32
Desire never ends, unless you allow it to. A sure way to suffer every day is to desire the next thing and the next thing. Love what you already have, as you strive for more.
Naval Ravikant says, "Desire is a contract you make to be unhappy until you get what you want."
Does this mean to surrender all desires and goals, and not want for anything at all? No way! That could create a new path to suffering devoid of all material comforts and meaning.
The goal is to find that balance between contentment with your current state, while also striving for more and attacking your goals.
It's removing the negative emotional impact from the desire. You haven't reached the next milestone, but you're still feeling good as you chase after it.
The gold is found within the pursuit itself, not in the pot at the end of the rainbow. Feel lucky every day, it's magically delicious.
Would I like to be faster, stronger, leaner? Yes! But I can be happy with the now-me while focused on daily habits to build the future-me.
Would I like to wake up in my dream home? Yes! But I can feel cozy in every room I sleep, before and after I have that key.
Allow your desire to fulfill & inspire, not drain & drag.
03/32
Problems arise to make our lives less miserable. Yes, less. Problems are a signal, like a red flashing light alerting, "You should do something about that."
That nudge to make a change is uncomfortable because it might dig at our ego, exposing insecurities. It'll force us to be vulnerable, admit faults and address weaknesses. Lean into those uncomfortable feelings to find a solution.
This is a trick to view problems as a tool. The opposite mindset is to see them as a negative. That thing is happening to you, it's not fair, and maybe it will go away if you don't think about it.
But that's like burying a beach ball deep in the muddy ocean floor. Eventually it will come up to the surface begging to be entertained again. Or it will pop, ruining the fun you could've had if only you'd played with it for a while.
I like this mindset. A problem arises, and I see it as a positive sign, since it's only asking me to take an honest look. I'm flawed in that department, so maybe that shortcoming should be addressed. Problems should spark curiosity, not attack me emotionally.
To be safe and rooted in your world is to reject the ego that wants to ignore pressing issues. When you feel that nudge, sit down with it and have an honest chat. Problem solved.
Be less miserable, not Les Misérables.
04/32
Every day we have things we must do, and things we try not to do. Things happen to us and we respond in one way or another. But what if all these things are habits?
I adopted the mindset that life is a never-ending series of habits, good ones and bad ones. Tynan says, "New habits are things that you do, but old habits are things that you are."
Every thought and every action
Daily attitude and outlook
How you respond and react
What you consume and what you dismiss
Who you spend time with and who you avoid
Excuses, justifications, decisions, regrets
James Clear says, "The trajectory of your life bends in the direction of your habits."
What can I do today to build my greatest possible future? I can drop bad habits and replace them with good ones. Stimulation seeking can be replaced by reading, writing or walking. You pick one to replace the other.
You know what's fun? The replacement can be anything you can possibly imagine. You catch a thought & desire to doom scroll, and instantly do 20 pushups instead. Or juggle, play piano, write a poem, talk to a stranger.
I have limited willpower, a resource that drains by end of day, and refills with sleep to start the next day. This energy should be used to establish new habits, not struggling to sustain the most important ones.
If it's a massive mental push to do the action, then it's not a habit yet. Real habits are consistently done, they're easy and automatic. Work-in-progress high-effort actions will become established low-effort habits over time.
Fitness, healthy eating and optimistic outlook are like brushing my teeth. Consistently writing, editing video and limiting distractions are like jumping into a cold shower, but I trust they'll be automatic one day soon.
Tell yourself, "I'm not the type of person who ____." Become that new identity, and you'll drop the bad habit so fast.
My heroes are not special, gifted wizards. They're just farther along in habit creation, a more disciplined version of who I'll be one day too.
Examine your tendencies, write a list of what needs to go and what you'd like to adopt, and make it daily. Habits are your superpowers.
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Be less miserable, not les miserables 😂. Thanks for all the good reminders.