I have to workout today.
I have to workout today.
I have to workout today.
But the couch is calling my name. I've had a long day, and I just want to read my book.
How do I convince myself it's okay to skip the gym?
What game can I play today?
The resistance is real. Or, at least, it was. I still have those days when I don't want to exercise, always will. But they're far less common than they used to be.
Ten years ago I had a minor health scare that forced me to change.
I was an out-of-shape college student. My diet consisted mostly of pizza and beer. Other than the occasional hike in the nearby Great Smoky Mountains and walking the hills on campus, I never exercised.
After my first panic attack, I convinced myself I was doomed for another. The shell-shock of the first had me on edge around the clock, terrified of my own beating heart.
To solve this anxiety, I turned to binge drinking. It was the only thing that kept the panic at bay. When that brilliant plan backfired, I finally got the message.
I replaced the pizza with smoothies and salads. I joined a gym to lift weights. I took long walks, and the hills and stairs became my friends again.
While dropping the booze would take many more years, the habits of feeding my body nutritious foods and moving my body in new ways were beginning to change me.
Two years later, I road-tripped the US with my friend Cameron. On a route that started in Tennessee and passed through most of the western states, we visited 12 national parks, hiking as much as our bodies would allow. We camped every night.
Skillet eggs and sweet potatoes for breakfast. Chicken sandwiches and Fritos for lunch. We snacked on apples, bananas and peanut butter. For dinner every night we had campfire hot dogs and beer. I lost more than 20 pounds on that trip.
When we got home, I knew I'd put back on the weight if I didn't force myself to adopt a serious cardio habit to combine with my weight training. I bought a road bike, and started cycling every day.
I'd bolt out the door and push myself as hard as I could, until I was red-faced and sweaty. I'd lay on my bed, with my face next to the AC unit, trying to catch my breath. Giving it my all, I rode that bike until my legs quit on me. It became my favorite thing. It was easy to be consistent, because cycling was fun.
I got kettlebells, so I could workout at home too. This gave me no out due to bad weather, if traffic was bad or if my gym was closed - no excuse to skip a day. You'll talk to God after 20 minutes with some kettlebells.
This trifecta of bike-gym-kettlebells has been a heart-pounding combo that's improved every aspect of my life. My baseline mood is positive, motivated, calm. I sleep like a baby. My anxiety is borderline extinct. Physically, I feel great every hour of the day, and I feel even better after a workout.
When I notice the subtle creep of negativity, when my mood starts to shift to a place I don't like, I know it's because my body is craving a workout. When I take a few days off from intense movement, I'm not my best self. I know that movement is the antidote.
I've learned to enjoy lifting weights. I look forward to the gym now. When bad weather hits, and I'm unable to hop on the bike, I get annoyed. The habits of movement are now deeply rooted. I love it, I crave it, I need it. But one thing has always been missing.
I've always thought, "I'm not a runner."
I've avoided this my whole life.
But now, I decided to finally become what I thought I was not.
I created so many excuses for myself over the years.
My body is not built for running.
It's not good for my joints.
I lift weights, I'm a cyclist, I don't need to run.
On a recent trip to Europe, I visited some gyms, and rode a few bikes. But mostly, I forced myself to run. I covered 10 countries in 10 weeks, and I wanted to run my way through these beautiful places.
I ran once every handful of days, a total of maybe 15 times. It was enough to get the habit started, the only souvenir I took home from my trip.
You don't have to travel to another country to start a new habit. You just have to decide to become that new thing, and then you'll have no choice but to create the habits to fulfill your new role. You stop identifying with the person who has the bad habits you want to lose.
"I'm not the type of person who skips workouts" becomes "I'm the type of person who's consistent."
"I'm not a runner" becomes "I am a runner."
What do runners do?
Runners run.
They run every week.
They run every day.
Become who you want to be by deciding you are that person - right now, today.
You become who you decide you are.
I'm a runner now.
What are you?
My photos: Running hills in the cold & the rain, Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh, Scotland, 2023.