Admitting my greatest flaw

Conquering bad habits begins with honesty

When my creative light (lenore) was shining bright in the Colorado San Juans, 2024.

I'm writing this post instead of editing a video. This is a deliberate distraction. But I've also reasoned with it enough to determine that it should, in fact, be written and shared.

Consider this an emergency post. Today I will admit my greatest flaw, let it go, and become a better man.

Years of delay. That's what I overcame to begin writing online in January 2024. Years of distractions, avoidance of creating, of doing what I'd been dreaming for so long. A master of procrastination, allowing fear to rule over me.

I shed that fearful identity, I became a writer again, and wrote a new post almost every day. Focus came easy and automatic. I'd wake up at 5am, and attack my keyboard to shoot off the next idea in the chamber.

I was thrilled to wake up and write daily. It was a blast. I get emotional even thinking about that time in my life in early 2024.

When I started making videos a few months later, my goal was to share a new story every week. Six months later, I'd done just that, never missing a week as I lived in my truck traveling all over the US.

Six months, one video per week. Success! I remember that incredible feeling, each finished project fueled me for the next one.

Then I hit a wall in Italy. I tried and failed to juggle too many things at once. So I hit pause, gave myself some grace, and took a break from weekly videos.

What happened next was a conflicted combination of good and bad. I established the habit of consistently writing again, and I built a new website. Both big wins.

The downside? The next six months, only six videos. Then two more months in Asia, zero videos.

The Resistance found its way back into my creative working space, appearing in the form of wasteful distractions and "productive" tasks. I'd find myself working on something new and creating something out of thin air, like this post here, instead of a more pressing task.

Seeking stimulation rather than doing real work causes my brain to atrophy. Locking into a flow state with long bouts of sustained focus require consistent reps, no different than lifting weights. I have no trouble keeping my body in shape, but why do I struggle with my mental muscle?

I've fallen into this trap of time wasting activity, avoiding the projects that I love. To seek stimulation in place of slight discomfort. I'll be auto-pulled into checking my texts multiple times per hour, or hopping on Twitter X. I'm disciplined with a nutritional diet, but why do I seek junk food content?

"So what?" You might be thinking, "Everyone does this."

These bad habits are the death of the creative person, the driven entrepreneur, the disciplined one-man band.

This week I'm working on a video project for a client. Today's goal was to make a big dent in progress.

Editing took up a few hours of my morning, but I also spent one hour scrolling on my phone while eating lunch, and then filmed a short piece for a new upcoming video. I read a book and took a nap, and now I'm writing this post.

I've mastered the art of creating new things to do in place of the most important thing. It's a frustrating existence that I'm tired of living in.

I'm writing this to send out into the world to admit my struggle and keep myself accountable. Even if others don't care, at least they know, at least they're aware. And maybe that's enough for me to kick the bad habit.

To level up, sometimes you have to make the game harder than it is now.

I will finish a video tomorrow, and I will finish a video next week, and I will write some fun new posts too.

Why? Because I love it, and I'm good at it. Not embracing your weirdness and unique talents leads to procrastination, because you don't feel like you have an edge. When you're true to yourself, you make things that are easier for you to make than for others.

So maybe I'm pulling myself back into that space of easy work, and I need to write this to be on the hot seat. Just gotta embrace that initial discomfort, fight that initial resistance, and time will fly by as I make progress on the projects that matter most.

Is productivity just embracing unpleasant emotions? Isn't that all it is?

A potential future employer might not be stoked to read this, but I trust they'd respect my honesty. What's your greatest flaw?

Everything I make is here — loganletsgo.com
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